Death? Strange. Mysterious. Sad. Sudden. Permanent. Just a few words that come to mind when the word Death is spoken to me right now. It’s been nearly seven months since the death of my best friend.
Death. What does it mean? I mean, I’m a Christian and my friend was a Catholic so I know exactly where my friend is; Chillen with the big man upstairs and all. So I guess my real question is: How should I deal with death? Prior to my friend dying, I’ve never really had to deal with the loss of someone I hold dear to my heart.
Seven months have passed. Not one day has been any easier. In some ways its been getting a little harder. Standing there in the middle of the cemetery staring at his portrait on stone surrounded by flowers that probably were put there by his mother not long before I showed up. It still doesn’t seem real to me. Part of me knows he’s gone and another part is waiting for him to call me to go on a spontaneous one-in-the-morning adventure to In N Out. How do you deal with the constant daily battle in your head? Arguments inside your mind where there seems to be no end…
- Why he had to die now?
- How should I be there for my friends?
- How can I honor him for the rest of MY life?
- Do people even care about this struggle of ours? (his close family and friends)
- When does the pain stop?
- What do I do from here on out?
As of right now I kind of have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t get any better. The pain of loss will never go away. And in some strange sense, thats OK. Because it has to be. We can’t just sit here and say “poor me” every waking moment. I’m pretty sure thats not what my friend would want me to do. He would want me wake up at the crack of dawn, throw on some hiking boots and go kidnap some of our friends and go for hike. He would want me to continue to go to school, get a job, and contribute to our society. He would want me to strive to be the best son, friend, student, person I can be. Because thats what he did every day of his life until his last moments.
My best friend gave his life to save someone else. In my opinion, theres no greater death. I’m not saying we all should go find a circumstance in where we have to sacrifice our own life to make life worth it. But go out of this cruel world knowing you tried your hardest to make it a little less cruel while you were there.